And my own forest with my own creatures and my very own rainbows.
However, my hand I was given has me down this path I'm on.
I am a sick little girl.
I try not to bitch, and just stick to the facts. I don't intentionally leave things out but it's so so much, I just imagine people would get tired of hearing it. I know I am tired of this.
I'm just so tired.
The truth is, I'm in so much pain, I've lost so much. However, I have also gained people that truly care, and for that I am so grateful for.
I don't want to hurt people, and by complaining, I feel that is what I am doing. I don't want to cause more hurt.
I have many scary moments in a day. Everything is such a challenge, even afraid to laugh too hard for my chest popping out or wanting to crack. Some very downright scary moments.
The truth is, I feel like a failure. I am reduced to this - a blob of pain. I am so damn dependent.
I might have happy moments still, but that is not to be confused with pain free or healthy.
I will be getting test results back this week. I am both nervous as hell, yet also complacent. I suppose it's what I have to do to be the strong Rhi that I have always been, even when I was little, everyone around me said how strong I was.
I am very lucky now however, to have the people in my life that I can lean on, and offer shoulders, a place to cry, to laugh, to be with me and celebrate the past, but ahead with me in whatever future that is held for me.
Because of this I am continuing to be strong, maybe will bitch here and there, and come find my pet unicorns with me.
Thank you. <3