Thursday, July 15, 2010

I Smell Like Sunshine.

"My OT says..." My Occupational Therapist wants me to say this alot, to my doctors, to anyone that may be part of my health team. 

I have a health team now.

My mind might explode. 

She came back to see how I was with the new mobility aids, and truth, not so well. I dangle and fall off and into the toilet with the extender, (I should keep it just for the laughs) and my awesome pole in the living room helps so much, but I don't think I am out there enough still to justify the cost of it, so it will go back as well. 

She suggested exchanging the wheelchair for a transport chair. I love this idea. It's alot smaller, and lighter, (and much cheaper). It has 4 small wheels, and I will need the deepest one because I have long legs. 

I asked her if she knew anything that could help with the twitchies - they have been super worse than usual, almost non-stop this entire week. She had me apply heat above the impact points, and I don't want to say this outloud so whisper this - I haven't had much twitchies. I showed her the Voltaren gel from my GP, and she thought I could have it made at a chemist - happens to be one a couple of blocks from me. 

She wants me into the Pain Clinic - and again to tell my doctor that "My OT says I should go inpatient or outpatient - but to go".  

I asked her if there was anything I could do, since I was so active as a dancer, that I am afraid TLC will come here to do a special on me as the great bedridden 700 pound lady. She did laugh, and said I am far to petite to worry. She mentioned aqua classes, but she said she doesn't want me doing anything (I'm still so severe) except working on the sit-to-stand.  That is more than enough on this wee body.

She is coming back next week.

I used to be a sun worshipper. I know it isn't good for me and normally after 5 minutes I am nauseus and down for days. I made it to the balcony all by myself. It is far from my bed, and I packed a bag with my two phones, my new faery book (recent gift from a dear friend) and ipod. Opened the heavy door, and stepped out, shaking.

My intention for 10 minutes lasted almost 70. I am pink! I look alive. I am so happy. My book told me I am the Queen of Laughter. "She is always ready to leap joyously into a situation, and fluttering her wings as she lands in your soup, on your clean shirt or in your serious thoughts.She's out to have fun and she wants you to come with her....In Faery JOY is serious business...when you can't find your keys, stop for a moment, you will hear her laughter in your ear as she shakes your keys.." So you know I'm always going to be around, no matter what. Deal?

I smell like sunshine.

Today I woke up a few times, but wasn't ready to leave my dreams. I was dancing, I was cooking, I was playing and fighting badguys with light. I cured a man that was in a wheelchair. 

I walked again down the hall without holding on the wall. This is impossible and I can't quite believe it was happening. This doesn't happen to me! The pain yes, is there, it never ever goes away, but I want to open up, come out of this fetal position. I want to be strong. 

This number from So You Think You Can Dance hit home. I hold myself like this, my arm is often on my chest, I was falling - I dance in my dreams.

My OT says she will help to fix me.