Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Remember what I said about being a rebel? Perhaps it's not just that, but I'd like my life back. Or maybe it is. I didn't take the immunosuppressants today because I didn't want to be a zombie, I had big plans.

Despite going back from horrible-I-can't-leave-my-bed I spent today in the usual-horrible-sever-no-good-very-bad-pain which was very welcome. I opted for a day off the TZ's (my name for them) because, I was asked to be a background performer for a new CBC TV series that will start in September of 2011. 

I was asked to pack 3-4 fall outfits, 2-3 fall jackets etc, and a business casual outfit. I don't own anything business casual, just jeans and tanks or fancy dresses, and my old dance teaching clothes. I was first to be seen by wardrobe after I was checked in (home base was a rented apartment) and got changed to full fall clothes in +30 degree Celsius weather. After about an hour, 3 guys still hadn't shown up. The wardrobe woman told the agent/wrangler that Darren was waiting for me reading across the street and we should use him. 

The adventures begin, and I start to call other friends to see if they'd like an escape from their days and make a bit of cash. The wardrobe woman was spunky and fun, and one was in dire need of help. My friend's first advice to me was to wear real underwear. This one should have taken the advice...walking by, we all got full moons. I full on facepalmed, and some of the crew and the other performers laughed. I apologized but really. 

I was extremely nervous about the physical requirements I would have to do, since I still can't do normal easy things, very easily at all. After 3 or 4 hours, we are to walk from the apt (which had front stairs) about a block to a pub (which had stairs to the front door). The crew were dismantling this set, and we just had to do more hurry up and wait (which never bothers me). We were fed, a really nice pasta and veggie bowl. After this we were told of a shooting change and back we go to the apartment (up more stairs and up even more). We snacked more on chips, cookies, and drinks until we were herded again across the street in the shade, which was nice, and me being the rebel I was, I refused to bring the chair - meaning sitting on the ground. Hard enough to get down, impossible to get up from on my own - but I had help from Darren so it was okay (ish). 

Getting to the set, which was a public transit bus and some of us were given props, and we were riding a bus. The people waiting for buses in the area were hilarious, watching them try to board; pushing their faces into the glass and the sheer shock and awe was wonderful. Trying not to react to them was fun. Scene is over, we are back on the lawn, but it's okay because I have help. Until he is called away to do another bit on the bus. No worries, we'll wait for them to get back and head back to the apartment. Unless we get called to the apartment before then, which happened. I'm sure my face fell. I had a very hard time getting up - needed help from some of the performers that we were talking to. They helped me up, across the street, up the stairs but by the second last stair, my body buckled. I was terrified of not being able to control my fall. Thanks to very kind people, I was okay. But by then my body was done. Shortly after that, we were wrapped and changed, checked out and waited for the last of the people to arrive. 

This day was so much more than being in a TV show for a few seconds, it was the ability to do what I never thought I would be able to do again, yes with many alterations I need to learn, but I did it. I have always been a performer, and always in the media - I however disappeared from the stage/screen/anything public for so long. 

Plus, I get my first paycheck in eons for the day. This is such a happy, phenomenal day for what it really means. Hopefully this is just another beginning, not just another beginning of more challenges, more meds, and more crap.

I did it! I am so much more than this illness. I am still me. Love me or leave me.


  1. I had no doubt you would do awesometastically!! I'm so proud of you!!
    Love n spoons!

  2. I am so happy for you. I remember when I was an extra in Girl, Interrupted, it was the best freakin' day of my life. I had the most fun EVER. I left with such joy and a ton of great stories. I am just so happy you got to experience this and told your LUPUS to go to blazes. Rose

  3. You are, of course le awesome. Loves to you girly. I am proud of you.

  4. You are so amazing! ((HUGS!!))

  5. ClapClapClapClap!!!