I have always been a water baby. When I was little my apartment building had a pool, my favourite days were the ones where I'd go rollerskating, then swimming, drying off in the sun with my one pop I was allowed to have a year, Mountain Dew. I'd be well past wrinkly in the pool.
Being physical is very important to me, and as growing up as a dancer, pushing my limits, applied in every part of my life. I pushed hard, and I loved it.
Now I have had to relearn how to do most normal-people things, and as I've outlined the pain is really awful. However, I need to look at things differently, and be happy for what I can do not what I can't. It's how I looked at judging dance - I want to see what the dancers CAN do, not what they can't.
It's hard to put myself in that frame of mind, or think something other than I am a constant failure.
To look at it, I can't walk on my own without help from someone or something, and using the wheelchair is really hard to get my head around. However, I am doing physio as much as I can, and learning how to adapt it. Hell, 850 abs in there isn't so bad I suppose, right?
I've discovered the magic of water again. The pain is minimal (which is still high and bad) but I can do some of the physio in the pool. I can also do things that I haven't had the strength to do - I can do full splits again, I can arabesque, I can work my arms and pull my legs in fans - double circles aductor and abductors.
I'm so free in the water, I can do anything. It is wonderful to feel something that I thought I couldn't do again. Even if my shoulder blades look funny.
I'm a water goddess, and I love it. I still have the tenacity and driving spirit that I was born with.