Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Elephant Party

My first week and a half in SoCal has been amazing, I haven't used the chair since I got here. This doesn't mean the pain is any better, but that I am a bit stronger. Some days I can do things, some days I can't do what I did before. This is the nature of this beast.

Except yesterday. Had a very rough day, epic pain and the worst costochondritis ( http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/costochondritis/DS00626 ) attack I have ever experienced. It is extreme sharp pain, I describe it as elephants sitting on my chest, and stabbing in between my ribs and crushing. It's very alarming, as anyone who goes through this will attest I'm sure. 

Last night was crushing, ribs felt popping out through my skin, and the elephants were running many marathons, while the army of charlie horses were racing in my legs, my veins were pinching and releasing, my spine as usual wants to pop out. 

It is also tough to deal with this emotionally. Usually I try to be very very strong, but it was overwhelming - and I had tears. This then turns into self-hate, and very dark thoughts. 

It's all frightening.

I am so very lucky to have friends that are taking care of me, as caregivers, best of friends and who offer to help ride through it together. They help me to laugh, love and live, and through this darkness, I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such a strong circle of support, and I can't say thank you enough.

I know I wouldn't be here now without you that have kept me going.

Thank you for reading, sharing, supporting in this battle that is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure, every minute of every day.

Love and many many thank yous.


  1. So sorry for all the pain and elephants, Rhian. Hoping that lets up so that you can continue to enjoy your visit. You are indeed blessed to have a support system with such great friends. Keeping you in prayer.

  2. Keep strong in spirit Rhian, and keep talking about it here. You have an outlet to help people and in return they will help you.

    Loves, DFA.