Time means nothing now. Sometimes, it's really damn nice too.
It's rather freeing in a sense to not be a slave to the clock. It's a very strange and different feeling, as I have always had my own special relationship with time.
My mom taught me the lesson of punctuality, and to this day, it is important to me, however, I dread making plans of any sort because I have no idea if I can fulfill an obligation, as much as I want to.
Time is a dancer's best friend - from music, to the 8 counts repeatedly, to something I instilled in my dancers too, to respect the time and how to let it work and help them in training and as performers.
The famous '5,6, 7, 8' is magical - and what some people don't realize is that it is not just catching the beat, it is much more than that. It is to centre, to prep, to BREATHE. There is no random time for the 8 counts, it's there for a reason. On stage, it is also a thing of beauty. Lights, curtain, 5678 and GO!
The other relationship I had with time was working in television. I had a few Production Assistant positions from ENG (electronic news gathering) for the field to the live control room. The control room is also it's bit of magic. That is another gift I am so happy to have experienced, it was exhilarating.
I was in the control room for midnight news broadcast. I learned in preshow that the sports director needed to pad 2 extra minutes from his runthrough, I learned what was good material to cut if we were going over. It's not a job for the shy, while the director runs the cameras, the PA's run everything - everyone depends on the many time counts. I had a stopwatch, a digital clock, an analog clock and yes, sometimes yet another stopwatch, each tracking time for many concurrent items. 4 clocks, constant countdowns, constant restarting. It was alot of stress, and I loved it. Half the time I never knew what stories were on the show because each item was a time code.
I had such a relationship with time, I had a hard time not counting in 8's and 60's. I still do. When I was driving, and even just before blackouts started I would get gas and often stop it at $__.59 and then have to think about it to get to a round number. It was a pain in the ass in winter.
Time means nothing to me now, I sleep whenever I can, I eat whenever I feel up to it. I love the overnights too. Somehow it's so peaceful, finally making it through yet another tough shit hole of a day - just is a celebration. The peace is so welcoming, I WANT to stay awake and sleep all day. The days hurt much more. I understand that people don't understand my time now. It is still shocking that some think I should have a 9-5 schedule. I'm a slave to my body, I crave the night. I crave it hard.
I ask you, would you not want to do the same? It's a long day in the day, can't do much of anything for myself so why push myself when I really can't?
I am not lazy, I swear it. I still have a high work ethic, but I am being attacked hard. Life is not easy and the little things are now giant things to deal with.
I have always had a love affair with the nighttime, it is magical.
I was a social butterfly. I'm just a wounded butterfly now.
Time means nothing. It just is now.